Danica Lo, Blog

Endive!

2012-01-12T20:31:00.001-05:00

In case you thought it was over.

2012-01-12T00:08:00.000-05:00

Ooh, parsnips!

2012-01-05T20:20:00.002-05:00

I have a thing for asparagus and mushrooms.

2012-01-04T21:43:00.000-05:00

Accountability

2012-01-03T21:45:00.000-05:00

What if I turned into one of those people who blogs everything they eat?

It Was Take Your Hedgehog to Work Day Today.

2011-12-29T23:02:00.002-05:00

2011-12-29T22:51:00.000-05:00

The Cutest

2011-12-29T15:08:00.001-05:00

Everything

2011-12-27T22:16:00.000-05:00

If I were a serious fiction writer...

2011-12-25T18:35:00.000-05:00

I'd have to spend a lot of time taking very long train trips—like that Savannah-New York Palmetto haul I did earlier this year—or very long showers (harder on the skin, I think, than train trips), because that's where I get my best thinking done.

End of year in review.

2011-12-23T16:46:00.000-05:00

Favorite Flower

2011-11-28T23:44:00.000-05:00

I never cared much for flowers before but now I think Dahlias might be my favorite. I took these photos at the Madrid Botanical Garden. I love that it's not the most perfect ones that are the most beautiful.

My First Glamour Masthead, January 2012

2011-11-28T23:35:00.001-05:00

Raf Speaks

2011-10-28T19:18:00.000-04:00

I'd never heard Raf Simons speak live before, so I was excited to see him at last night's Fashion Group International Night of Stars gala. Cathy Horyn presented him with one of this year's Star Honorees awards for his work at Jil Sander. Here's a video.

How do you leave a job you love?

2011-10-15T08:59:00.003-04:00

This is what I look at everyday. To my right, there's Lock and the sales and bus dev team. Behind all those black monitors on the right are Team Eater NY and Team Curbed NY. Behind the blue pillar on the left are Team Curbed National and Team Eater National.

Scanning counter-clockwise, here's a shelf of stuff. It's mostly cookbooks and Eater Shitshow T-shirts. And liquor. And breakfast cereal.

"Hey Tiffany, pretend to work while I take your photograph." We have Momo cookies on the right, Courreges Evian on the left. And my desk lamp. Lock thinks it's hilarious.

To my left, it's Racked NY Editor Izzy and her intern Danielle. Behind that red pillar is the bathroom where the ceiling used to cave in every day around 3 p.m. No joke.

Here's our lounge area where many hours of soccer, baseball, and Oprah watching happened. Also, those are our stairs up to the Foursquare kitchen, where they have free snacks and coconut water.

Hola tech people. Notice the bizarre green on the chairs in the conference room. Who chose that color? I guess now I'll never know.

And then there's Hard Candy Shell, with whom the Curbed Network share a loft space. They're really smart and good at what they do, plus they almost always all go out to lunch together, which I think makes for a really nice sense of camaraderie in a working environment.

The end. Bye Curbed HQ #36Coop.

PSA

2011-10-13T09:15:00.000-04:00

You can't connect the dots looking forward.

2011-10-05T23:16:00.003-04:00

You can only connect them looking backwards.

"Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on."

Here is a press release about me:

2011-10-03T18:54:00.002-04:00

DANICA LO JOINS GLAMOUR AS SENIOR ONLINE FASHION & BEAUTY EDITOR

New York, NY, October 3, 2011--Glamour has named Danica Lo Senior Online Fashion & Beauty Editor, it was announced today by Cindi Leive, Editor in Chief of Glamour. The appointment is effective October 17.

As the fashion and digital worlds grow more intertwined, Danica’s expertise and clout in both realms will make her an integral part of the ever-expanding Glamour brand.

"One of Glamour's key initiatives for 2012 is ramping up our signature fashion and beauty coverage," said Cindi Leive. "These days, with so much of the fun of fashion taking place online, adding Danica to our team, alongside powerhouses like Anne Christensen and Susan Cernek, is a natural fit. We love the voice and personality of Danica's fashion coverage, and can't wait to see what she'll bring to Glamour."

"After nearly 20 years of being a loyal Glamour reader, I am so excited and honored to be joining the team,” said Danica Lo. “For years, glamour.com has been a trailblazing pioneer in women's lifestyle digital media and I cannot wait to work with all the brilliant people on staff to help build and grow the site."

In her new role, Danica will be in charge of coordinating all of the site's fashion and beauty coverage. She will bring her expertise, voice and personality to Glamour’s online style community—readers' go-to source for street style and daily fashion inspiration. Danica will build glamour.com’s roster of top fashion and street style bloggers, expand web video efforts, oversee glamour.com's beauty how-to series, increase shopping features, and evolve the look and feel of the fashion and beauty channels.

Most recently, Danica was the founding editor of Racked National. Prior to Racked, she was a fashion columnist at the New York Post.

Glamour, published by Condé Nast, was named Magazine of the Year at the National Magazine Awards by the American Society of Magazine Editors for its editorial quality in both print and digital. Glamour is the leading women’s magazine, reaching more than 12 million readers every month, or one in 10 American women. Glamour.com is a leading women’s lifestyle website with approximately 3 million visitors per month.

Sunday

2011-10-02T22:30:00.002-04:00

My day: On my way to meet Gary and Hitomi for brunch in the West Village, I ran into Claudine, who I haven't seen since New Year's Eve 2010, which we spent in an ice storm at Danny's house in Bucks County. At brunch I met a girl whose life story is one of the most interesting -- and, uh, sitcom-ready -- I'd ever heard.

Popped by the Eater Lounge at the Dream Hotel, where I schmoozled with my co-workers over delicious sandwiches, Sprinkles cupcakes, and prosciutto and fig pizza. Seriously, I can't get enough of those crazy kids. Love them.

Onwards to Myers of Keswick for beverages -- a Tizer for Gary and a Ribena for me -- and then a late afternoon showing of "What's Your Number?" which was super-funny. I love Anna Faris. Also I ran into Emmy, who I've been running into a lot lately.

Dinner at L'Annam, where I ran into Eunice, an old friend from -- wait for it -- junior high school. Seriously, we haven't seen each other since 1991, but we recognized each other immediately. Both of us apparently look exactly the same as when we were, um, 13.

And after dinner cups of tea at Grey Dog.

Big day, big day. I don't usually run into anyone I know, anywhere, but looks like the tides are turning. Also, diet note: my strategy lately has been to eat super-healthy Mondays through Fridays and then spend all weekend making up for it. I might have to get a bit stricter this week since I may have overdone it with the Skittles this weekend.

I was quoted in the Boston Globe yesterday.

2011-09-23T21:50:00.000-04:00

Thing that made me smile today.

2011-09-23T15:57:00.001-04:00

A day.

2011-09-21T17:49:00.003-04:00

Today has been really weird. And productive.

Got up early this morning to pre-post before heading uptown to see Michael Macko at the Ascot Chang preview. Sam emailed me a link to a New York Times story. Apparently the Times lifted an excerpt from a story I wrote for Racked and republished it in this weekend's magazine AS IF I'd written a letter to the editor. Anyway.

On the bus ride uptown, an older woman with a cane got on, refused to sit in any of the (many) available seats, hovered over me for a while before deciding she wanted to kick the woman behind me out of her seat, then threw a fit when the bus stopped and she fell down. She went up, took the driver's badge number and threatened to sue and everything.

Then I hired a new columnist.

Headed crosstown at around 1 to see Randi. That was fun. Then, on the subway ride down to the office, ran into my friend Bill, who I haven't seen since college -- we once spent a spring break working at Mother Theresa's Center together.

Went into the office, worked, took phone calls and meetings. The mystery trip I'd agreed to go on seemed interesting and cool in the beginning, but its vagaries are starting to get really annoying.

Now heading uptown to Georg Jensen to see Lori before heading back downtown for dinner with Leo. Zoom zoom.

Twitter thinks I'm similar to...

2011-09-13T23:39:00.002-04:00

This is what I saw tonight.

2011-09-10T20:33:00.002-04:00

Tee hee

2011-09-04T23:41:00.005-04:00

This is what happens when you type "bunnies" into Google's What Do You Love.

Just this side of fabulous.

2011-08-31T22:05:00.000-04:00

Facebook should rename this: People you fall short of knowing.

Post-Apocalyptic (Not Really) New York

2011-08-28T13:34:00.002-04:00

A tree fell in front of 15 East.

Luckily it didn't damage the restaurant's windows—or, uh, the bike it fell on.

Union Square became a parking lot:

Trees fell in Union Square Park:

And no signage can keep people out of Washington Square Park:

7 p.m. Saturday Night, Downtown Manhattan, No People

2011-08-27T19:27:00.000-04:00

Mysteriously, the 2 Dollar Jewelry store is the only place open.

This.

2011-08-27T17:54:00.003-04:00

Union Square Before Hurricane Irene

2011-08-27T13:58:00.000-04:00

This.

2011-08-23T12:42:00.001-04:00

My life is complete, I've been quoted in the Daily Mail

2011-08-18T16:37:00.002-04:00

Love, love, love: Chrissy & Sanket got married

2011-08-14T11:43:00.001-04:00

RIP Jani Lane

2011-08-12T10:00:00.002-04:00

EXT. The Fire Pit at Surf Lodge, 9 p.m. last night

2011-08-07T20:05:00.003-04:00

Jarod: Blah blah blah
Danica: Blah blah blah, in college I was a linguistics major and...
Jarod: Wait, what did you say?
Danica: I was a linguistics major.
Jarod: Wait, I was a linguistics major.
Danica: Oh my god.
Jarod: Oh my god.

[Proceed to have really nerdy and enthusiastic discussion about syntax, information structure, IPA, and object permanence. At the fire pit. At Surf Lodge. On Saturday night. In Montauk. While everyone else is doing shots.]

This is what pugs must feel like when they see other pugs walking down the street.

Camp Alternative Apparel, Montauk 2011

2011-08-07T11:51:00.001-04:00

Coverage TK on Racked.com Monday.

My First Eater Story

2011-08-04T10:04:00.000-04:00

NYC/HEL

2011-08-03T22:09:00.002-04:00

Yes, that would be Staten Island

2011-08-02T21:19:00.001-04:00

"At the full moon in Aquarius on August 13 (at 21 degrees), you may travel again, this time to a place that would be much closer to home, perhaps within 200 miles. Neptune will be prominent, so you may choose a pretty spot near water. This full moon will be romantic and soft, for Neptune will carefully drop a veil over the weekend to create an enchanting time there." from Astrology Zone

Nine years

2011-08-02T09:00:00.001-04:00

The first week I met Alex, 2000:

The last time I saw Alex, 2009:

Happiness is a fast boat to Tallinn

2011-08-02T00:29:00.003-04:00

Oh My God I Miss You

2011-08-01T23:07:00.001-04:00

Now downloading: Downton Abbey, Season 1

2011-08-01T20:50:00.002-04:00

What my Foursquare habits say about me

2011-07-14T23:15:00.001-04:00

Namely, that I'm always running away, eating Italian food, and shopping.

Yeah, sounds about right.

Baby Owls

2011-07-14T17:57:00.001-04:00

Peter Island Preview

2011-07-10T23:05:00.001-04:00

When Certified Angus Beef calls and invites you to spend a week ensconced on a private island in the middle of the British Virgin Islands, who can say no? I spent all of last week happy as a clam on Peter Island, hanging out with my new favorite people from CAB, the Texas Beef Council, and the US Meat Export Federation. You'll hear more about the food part of my trip on Eater.com this week. In the meantime, check out some photos I snapped on Peter Island. No doubt about it, it's one of the most beautiful places I've ever been.

And for my next trick

2011-07-10T13:39:00.001-04:00

I think I'll give up takeout/delivery.

I'm in Charlotte

2011-07-03T10:55:00.001-04:00

I'm at the Charlotte airport waiting for my connecting flight to St. Thomas. The last time I was here was 1998, on a connection from Boston en route to Jamaica. We were traveling to Kingston to spend our spring breaks at Mother Theresa's Center for the Destitute and Dying, as well as a few days here an there on site visits to a leper colony, St. Margaret's Community Center, and a shanty town elementary school. It was my second year on the volunteer trip and, for some unknown reason, our flights had been canceled out of Boston, we were split into two groups, and when we landed in Charlotte, we had to sprint through the airport to try and make our connection. I still vividly remember it.

This is what I'll be doing while I'm on vacation.

2011-07-01T11:12:00.001-04:00

This is my favorite graphic I made today

2011-06-27T17:19:00.002-04:00

Official countdown begins now

2011-06-26T19:05:00.000-04:00

T-7 days until this.

Exciting Folly Bridge property

2011-06-26T17:01:00.001-04:00

Packing dreams

2011-06-22T19:26:00.001-04:00

A few months ago I had this terrible nightmare that I was about to come home from a work trip and had to pack my entire hotel room, but I had too much stuff and not enough time before my car came to take me to the airport. So, in my dream, I was really panicked and was running around the hotel room trying to stuff dozens of handbags and shoes into suitcases and duffel bags. I woke up from this dream completely stressed out, fists clenched, the whole bit.

Last night I had another packing dream, but instead of my clothes and shoes, I had left my assistant to pack up a roomful of clothing samples from different brands and PR agencies. In my dream, I'd gone off for the day to work on another project, a photoshoot, I think, and when I came back to the room there were only a few minutes left to get everything sent off and my assistant was just dawdling around, doing nothing. Of course, I went into a tailspin again, had to pack everything myself, while my assistant stood there, uselessly. In my dream, I fired her.

What does this all mean?

Oh, and two nights ago I dreamt that I found a famous rapper's black Amex.

This, too.

2011-06-21T20:44:00.001-04:00

Well, this is what happened to Racked today

2011-06-21T20:42:00.001-04:00

The FBI got us.

The bowling alley dress code.

2011-06-18T19:27:00.001-04:00

Srsly.

God, I loved this show.

2011-06-13T21:01:00.001-04:00

Conan's Dartmouth commencement address

2011-06-12T21:21:00.002-04:00

"I've been living in Los Angeles for two years, and I've never been this cold in my life. I will pay anyone here $300 for GORE-TEX gloves. Anybody. I'm serious. I have the cash.

Before I begin, I must point out that behind me sits a highly admired President of the United States and decorated war hero while I, a cable television talk show host, has been chosen to stand here and impart wisdom. I pray I never witness a more damning example of what is wrong with America today.

Graduates, faculty, parents, relatives, undergraduates, and old people that just come to these things: Good morning and congratulations to the Dartmouth Class of 2011. Today, you have achieved something special, something only 92 percent of Americans your age will ever know: a college diploma. That’s right, with your college diploma you now have a crushing advantage over 8 percent of the workforce. I'm talking about dropout losers like Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, and Mark Zuckerberg. Incidentally, speaking of Mr. Zuckerberg, only at Harvard would someone have to invent a massive social network just to talk with someone in the next room.

My first job as your commencement speaker is to illustrate that life is not fair. For example, you have worked tirelessly for four years to earn the diploma you’ll be receiving this weekend.

That was great.

And Dartmouth is giving me the same degree for interviewing the fourth lead in Twilight. Deal with it. Another example that life is not fair: if it does rain, the powerful rich people on stage get the tent. Deal with it.

I would like to thank President Kim for inviting me here today. After my phone call with President Kim, I decided to find out a little bit about the man. He goes by President Kim and Dr. Kim. To his friends, he's Jim Kim, J to the K, Special K, JK Rowling, the Just Kidding Kimster, and most puzzling, "Stinky Pete." He served as the chair of the Department of Global Health and Social Medicine at Harvard Medical School, spearheaded a task force for the World Health Organization on Global Health Initiatives, won a MacArthur Genius Grant, and was one of TIME Magazine's 100 Most Influential People in 2006. Good God, man, what the hell are you compensating for? Seriously. We get it. You're smart. By the way Dr. Kim, you were brought to Dartmouth to lead, and as a world-class anthropologist, you were also hired to figure out why each of these graduating students ran around a bonfire 111 times.

But I thank you for inviting me here, Stinky Pete, and it is an honor. Though some of you may see me as a celebrity, you should know that I once sat where you sit. Literally. Late last night I snuck out here and sat in every seat. I did it to prove a point: I am not bright and I have a lot of free time.

But this is a wonderful occasion and it is great to be here in New Hampshire, where I am getting an honorary degree and all the legal fireworks I can fit in the trunk of my car.

You know, New Hampshire is such a special place. When I arrived I took a deep breath of this crisp New England air and thought, "Wow, I'm in the state that's next to the state where Ben and Jerry's ice cream is made."

But don't get me wrong, I take my task today very seriously. When I got the call two months ago to be your speaker, I decided to prepare with the same intensity many of you have devoted to an important term paper. So late last night, I began. I drank two cans of Red Bull, snorted some Adderall, played a few hours of Call of Duty, and then opened my browser. I think Wikipedia put it best when they said "Dartmouth College is a private Ivy League University in Hanover, New Hampshire, United States." Thank you and good luck.

To communicate with you students today, I have gone to great lengths to become well-versed in your unique linguistic patterns. In fact, just this morning I left Baker Berry with my tripee Barry to eat a Billy Bob at the Bema when my flitz to Francesca was Blitz jacked by some d-bag on his FSP.

Yes, I've done my research. This college was named after the Second Earl of Dartmouth, a good friend of the Third Earl of UC Santa Cruz and the Duke of the Barbizon School of Beauty. Your school motto is "Vox clamantis in deserto," which means "Voice crying out in the wilderness." This is easily the most pathetic school motto I have ever heard. Apparently, it narrowly beat out "Silently Weeping in Thick Shrub" and "Whimpering in Moist Leaves without Pants." Your school color is green, and this color was chosen by Frederick Mather in 1867 because, and this is true—I looked it up—"it was the only color that had not been taken already." I cannot remember hearing anything so sad. Dartmouth, you have an inferiority complex, and you should not. You have graduated more great fictitious Americans than any other college. Meredith Grey of Grey's Anatomy. Pete Campbell from Mad Men. Michael Corleone from The Godfather. In fact, I look forward to next years' Valedictory Address by your esteemed classmate, Count Chocula. Of course, your greatest fictitious graduate is Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner. Man, can you imagine if a real Treasury Secretary made those kinds of decisions? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Now I know what you're going to say, Dartmouth, you're going to say, well "We've got Dr. Seuss." Well guess what, we're all tired of hearing about Dr. Seuss. Face it: The man rhymed fafloozle with saznoozle. In the literary community, that's called cheating.

Your insecurity is so great, Dartmouth, that you don't even think you deserve a real podium. I'm sorry. What the hell is this thing? It looks like you stole it from the set of Survivor: Nova Scotia. Seriously, it looks like something a bear would use at an AA meeting.

No, Dartmouth, you must stand tall. Raise your heads high and feel proud.

Because if Harvard, Yale, and Princeton are your self-involved, vain, name-dropping older brothers, you are the cool, sexually confident, lacrosse playing younger sibling who knows how to throw a party and looks good in a down vest. Brown, of course, is your lesbian sister who never leaves her room. And Penn, Columbia, and Cornell—well, frankly, who gives a shit.

Yes, I've always had a special bond with this school. In fact, this is my second time coming here. When I was 17 years old and touring colleges, way back in the fall of 1980, I came to Dartmouth. Dartmouth was a very different place back then. I made the trip up from Boston on a mule and, after asking the blacksmith in West Leb for directions, I came to this beautiful campus. No dormitories had been built yet, so I stayed with a family of fur traders in White River Junction. It snowed heavily during my visit and I was trapped here for four months. I was forced to eat the mule, who a week earlier had been forced to eat the fur traders. Still, I loved Dartmouth and I vowed to return.

But fate dealt a heavy blow. With no money, I was forced to enroll in a small, local commuter school, a pulsating sore on a muddy elbow of the Charles River. I was a miserable wretch, and to this day I cannot help but wonder: What if I had gone to Dartmouth?

If I had gone to Dartmouth, I might have spent at least some of my college years outside and today I might not be allergic to all plant life, as well as most types of rock.

If I had gone to Dartmouth, right now I'd be wearing a fleece thong instead of a lace thong.

If I had gone to Dartmouth, I still wouldn't know the second verse to "Dear Old Dartmouth." Face it, none of you do. You all mumble that part.

If I had gone to Dartmouth, I'd have a liver the size and consistency of a bean bag chair.

Finally, if I had gone to Dartmouth, today I'd be getting an honorary degree at Harvard. Imagine how awesome that would be.

You are a great school, and you deserve a historic commencement address. That's right, I want my message today to be forever remembered because it changed the world. To do this, I must suggest groundbreaking policy. Winston Churchill gave his famous "Iron Curtain" speech at Westminster College in 1946. JFK outlined his nuclear disarmament policy at American University in 1963. Today, I would like to set forth my own policy here at Dartmouth: I call it "The Conan Doctrine." Under "The Conan Doctrine":

-All bachelor degrees will be upgraded to master's degrees. All master's degrees will be upgraded to PhDs. And all MBA students will be immediately transferred to a white collar prison.

-Under "The Conan Doctrine," Winter Carnival will become Winter Carnivale and be moved to Rio. Clothing will be optional, all expenses paid by the Alumni Association.

-Your nickname, the Big Green, will be changed to something more kick-ass like "The Jade Blade," the "Seafoam Avenger," or simply "Lime-Zilla."

-The D-Plan and "quarter system" will finally be updated to "the one sixty-fourth system." Semesters will last three days. Students will be encouraged to take 48 semesters off. They must, however, be on campus during their Sophomore 4th of July.

-Under "The Conan Doctrine," I will re-instate Tubestock. And I will punish those who tried to replace it with Fieldstock. Rafting and beer are a much better combination than a field and a beer. I happen to know that in two years, they were going to downgrade Fieldstock to Deskstock, seven hours of fun sitting quietly at your desk. Don't let those bastards do it.

And finally, under "The Conan Doctrine," all commencement speakers who shamelessly pander with cheap, inside references designed to get childish applause, will be forced to apologize—to the greatest graduating class in the history of the world. Dartmouth class of 2011 rules!

Besides policy, another hallmark of great commencement speeches is deep, profound advice like "reach for the stars." Well today, I am not going to waste your time with empty clichés. Instead, I am going to give you real, practical advice that you will need to know if you are going to survive the next few years.

-First, adult acne lasts longer than you think. I almost cancelled two days ago because I had a zit on my eye.
-Guys, this is important: You cannot iron a shirt while wearing it.

-Here's another one. If you live on Ramen Noodles for too long, you lose all feelings in your hands and your stool becomes a white gel.

-And finally, wearing colorful Converse high-tops beneath your graduation robe is a great way to tell your classmates that this is just the first of many horrible decisions you plan to make with the rest of your life.

Of course there are many parents here and I have real advice for them as well. Parents, you should write this down:

-Many of your children you haven't seen them in four years. Well, now you are about to see them every day when they come out of the basement to tell you the wi-fi isn't working.

-If your child majored in fine arts or philosophy, you have good reason to be worried. The only place where they are now really qualified to get a job is ancient Greece. Good luck with that degree.

-The traffic today on East Wheelock is going to be murder, so once they start handing out diplomas, you should slip out in the middle of the K's.

And, I have to tell you this:

-You will spend more money framing your child's diploma than they will earn in the next six months. It's tough out there, so be patient. The only people hiring right now are Panera Bread and Mexican drug cartels.

Yes, you parents must be patient because it is indeed a grim job market out there. And one of the reasons it's so tough finding work is that aging baby boomers refuse to leave their jobs. Trust me on this. Even when they promise you for five years that they are going to leave—and say it on television—I mean you can go on YouTube right now and watch the guy do it, there is no guarantee they won't come back. Of course I'm speaking generally.

But enough. This is not a time for grim prognostications or negativity. No, I came here today because, believe it or not, I actually do have something real to tell you.

Eleven years ago I gave an address to a graduating class at Harvard. I have not spoken at a graduation since because I thought I had nothing left to say. But then 2010 came. And now I'm here, three thousand miles from my home, because I learned a hard but profound lesson last year and I'd like to share it with you. In 2000, I told graduates "Don't be afraid to fail." Well now I'm here to tell you that, though you should not fear failure, you should do your very best to avoid it. Nietzsche famously said "Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger." But what he failed to stress is that it almost kills you. Disappointment stings and, for driven, successful people like yourselves it is disorienting. What Nietzsche should have said is "Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you watch a lot of Cartoon Network and drink mid-price Chardonnay at 11 in the morning."

Now, by definition, Commencement speakers at an Ivy League college are considered successful. But a little over a year ago, I experienced a profound and very public disappointment. I did not get what I wanted, and I left a system that had nurtured and helped define me for the better part of 17 years. I went from being in the center of the grid to not only off the grid, but underneath the coffee table that the grid sits on, lost in the shag carpeting that is underneath the coffee table supporting the grid. It was the making of a career disaster, and a terrible analogy.

But then something spectacular happened. Fogbound, with no compass, and adrift, I started trying things. I grew a strange, cinnamon beard. I dove into the world of social media. I started tweeting my comedy. I threw together a national tour. I played the guitar. I did stand-up, wore a skin-tight blue leather suit, recorded an album, made a documentary, and frightened my friends and family. Ultimately, I abandoned all preconceived perceptions of my career path and stature and took a job on basic cable with a network most famous for showing reruns, along with sitcoms created by a tall, black man who dresses like an old, black woman. I did a lot of silly, unconventional, spontaneous and seemingly irrational things and guess what: with the exception of the blue leather suit, it was the most satisfying and fascinating year of my professional life. To this day I still don't understand exactly what happened, but I have never had more fun, been more challenged—and this is important—had more conviction about what I was doing.

How could this be true? Well, it's simple: There are few things more liberating in this life than having your worst fear realized. I went to college with many people who prided themselves on knowing exactly who they were and exactly where they were going. At Harvard, five different guys in my class told me that they would one day be President of the United States. Four of them were later killed in motel shoot-outs. The other one briefly hosted Blues Clues, before dying senselessly in yet another motel shoot-out. Your path at 22 will not necessarily be your path at 32 or 42. One's dream is constantly evolving, rising and falling, changing course. This happens in every job, but because I have worked in comedy for twenty-five years, I can probably speak best about my own profession.

Way back in the 1940s there was a very, very funny man named Jack Benny. He was a giant star, easily one of the greatest comedians of his generation. And a much younger man named Johnny Carson wanted very much to be Jack Benny. In some ways he was, but in many ways he wasn't. He emulated Jack Benny, but his own quirks and mannerisms, along with a changing medium, pulled him in a different direction. And yet his failure to completely become his hero made him the funniest person of his generation. David Letterman wanted to be Johnny Carson, and was not, and as a result my generation of comedians wanted to be David Letterman. And none of us are. My peers and I have all missed that mark in a thousand different ways. But the point is this : It is our failure to become our perceived ideal that ultimately defines us and makes us unique. It's not easy, but if you accept your misfortune and handle it right, your perceived failure can become a catalyst for profound re-invention.

So, at the age of 47, after 25 years of obsessively pursuing my dream, that dream changed. For decades, in show business, the ultimate goal of every comedian was to host The Tonight Show. It was the Holy Grail, and like many people I thought that achieving that goal would define me as successful. But that is not true. No specific job or career goal defines me, and it should not define you. In 2000—in 2000—I told graduates to not be afraid to fail, and I still believe that. But today I tell you that whether you fear it or not, disappointment will come. The beauty is that through disappointment you can gain clarity, and with clarity comes conviction and true originality.

Many of you here today are getting your diploma at this Ivy League school because you have committed yourself to a dream and worked hard to achieve it. And there is no greater cliché in a commencement address than "follow your dream." Well I am here to tell you that whatever you think your dream is now, it will probably change. And that's okay. Four years ago, many of you had a specific vision of what your college experience was going to be and who you were going to become. And I bet, today, most of you would admit that your time here was very different from what you imagined. Your roommates changed, your major changed, for some of you your sexual orientation changed. I bet some of you have changed your sexual orientation since I began this speech. I know I have. But through the good and especially the bad, the person you are now is someone you could never have conjured in the fall of 2007.

I have told you many things today, most of it foolish but some of it true. I'd like to end my address by breaking a taboo and quoting myself from 17 months ago. At the end of my final program with NBC, just before signing off, I said "Work hard, be kind, and amazing things will happen." Today, receiving this honor and speaking to the Dartmouth Class of 2011 from behind a tree-trunk, I have never believed that more.

Thank you very much, and congratulations."

Submarine

2011-06-12T21:09:00.001-04:00

Split

2011-06-11T22:41:00.001-04:00

So they've split up that Oxford property I love into two separate listings.

Excited for this tomorrow

2011-06-11T18:51:00.001-04:00

Red skies at night, sailors' delight

2011-06-09T21:17:00.001-04:00

I was standing in the Miami Beach surf at sunset (I bailed on the party a little early). I do that a lot when I travel. I remember standing in the surf in Dubai just staring out into the horizon for, like, ever. The same in Barcelona, the same in Montauk, the same in any seaside town I go to. I love the beach and I do some of my best thinking (read: I have the most master-of-the-obvious revelations ever) when I'm in/around water.

So tonight I realized that all this desperately wanting to escape New York thing that I've been feeling for, oh, the last seven years isn't going to happen until I produce some good work. Because work is the most important thing in my life, at least right now, and even though in my fantasies, I could go live in a country house somewhere and write the best screenplay ever or the craft the beginnings of the most profound YA series in modern history, the fact is that I do my best work in New York. So I have to stay until whatever it is I'm meant to do/create comes out of me. Otherwise it never will. And, after I've birthed my, uh, masterpiece (read: and sell it), then I'll go.

But I'll always keep an apartment in the city. Just in case.

Unfunny

2011-06-07T12:19:00.001-04:00

Space

2011-06-06T22:13:00.001-04:00

We needed space so badly. When we discovered that, if we went with boys, space would open for us, we found to our surprise that we needed boys. And yet boys were part of the danger. Thus the balance of power between us and the boys was thrown out of kilter. This inequity about moving fast into the world was the first real lesson I had about the inequities between men and women. We needed boys more than they needed us. We were more scared if them physically than they were of us. We did not know this, but we probably even desired them more than they desired us. If we chose not to go with them, we couldn't go at all. But they were always free to choose to go without us. - Naomi Wolf Promiscuities

One of the reasons that New York is so hard to live in, for me, is because there's an undercurrent of male aggression that runs through the streets and the air. Everywhere. I think about this a lot, especially when the weather starts to get warm and women can no longer reasonably hide behind layers of sweaters and coats. I've been followed down the street by men shouting obscene and humiliating things at me. I've been followed home. I've been followed into and around shops. It's terrifying and stressful and upsetting and embarrassing. Every morning, before I walk out the door, I have to brace myself against the people outside my front door. I have never encountered men like the men who trawl the streets in New York. Even after a year spent living in and traveling around the Middle East, I can say with certainty that I have never been anywhere where the sexual harassment is worse than it is right here in the United States. Mostly New York. I'm sure that's a huge contributing factor to the reason I feel a million times freer as soon as I set foot in an airport for a departing flight. Well, one of the major reasons, at least.

The other day I realized that most of my closer friends in New York are men. I never thought much about why, but I do know that when I hang out with my guy friends -- if I walk down the street with a guy friend or go to a store or eat in a restaurant -- no one bothers me/us. Waiting on the street or by a shop somewhere for my guy friend to show up, men walk by and say things and stare and invade my personal space. I have to worry about avoiding eye contact, not paying attention, not doing anything to respond or make any move that could be perceived as provocation. But as soon as my guy friend shows up everything is okay, I can be myself, I feel free. I don't have to worry that some perv is going to bother me on the street, because, by and large, guys don't bother or harass girls who are with other guys.

I hate having to rely on the company of men in order to walk down the street in New York without worrying someone's going to try something. I want to walk where I want and wear what I want without aggressive men bothering me and terrorizing me.

Of course, I've thought about possible solutions. I could get a boyfriend -- this is, of course, the least feasible of all my options -- hire a car and driver or hire a bodyguard.

Or I could just move.

I'm speaking on a panel at the SAJA conference at Columbia on the 18th

2011-06-02T17:21:00.001-04:00

Station Stop: Alexandria, VA

2011-05-22T19:32:00.002-04:00

Ok, enough of this train stuff. The sun's about to set and from hereon in, it's just standard northeast corridor stuff. I'm gonna watch a movie.

Things I learned: eat the veggie burger instead of the chicken sandwich on Amtrak (less scary unpronounceable ingredients), and always ride business class. Oh, South Carolina is incredibly lush and gorgeous, North Carolina looks more austere, and Virginia is stunning -- manicured to perfection.

I think this summer I'm going to try to take that 36 hour train up or down the Pacific coast.

11 hours on the train and counting... See you back in New York.

Station Stop: Richmond, VA

2011-05-22T17:46:00.002-04:00

There are two guys sitting behind me. One recommended Jim Collins' book "Good to Great." The other guy can't figure out how to find it on Kindle or Amazon. The drama of ineptitude.

Station Stop: Petersburg, VA

2011-05-22T17:05:00.002-04:00

I'm finally awake-ish and reading today's NY Times, wherein there's a story about Chelsea Handler being quite rude to Cathy Horyn.

Train stopped: Stony Creek, VA

2011-05-22T16:25:00.002-04:00

We're stopped behind a freight train that's having brake problems. Dramatic, no? Who knows how long this situation will take to resolve itself. Right now we're stopped in Stony Creek, VA, pop. 202. 202!

I'm eating my raw cut vegetables. The Verizon reception out here is fantastic.

Station Stop: Rocky Mount, NC

2011-05-22T14:48:00.004-04:00

So I've been on this train about six and a half hours now. It doesn't feel so bad, I guess because it's still daylight and there's lots of interesting new stuff to see out the window. The snoring guy is still snoring. It's really annoying, but what are you gonna do about it, you know?

Station Stop: Wilson, NC

2011-05-22T14:19:00.002-04:00

I have no concept of the ethnic and minority makeup of North Carolina, but suffice it to say I'm a little surprised to find a rather large Spanish-language Pentecostal church right here in town.

Station Stop: Selma, NC

2011-05-22T13:57:00.002-04:00

I fell asleep for a bit and now we're in Selma. There's a guy two rows back who is a violent snorer. Like, sleep apnea bad. He's very loud.

I didn't eat the chicken sandwich for a while and then when I woke up, I was so hungry I snarfed it. Ah well. Win some, lose some. Some days you eat organic vegetables, some days you eat thiamine hydrochloride.

Station Stop: Fayetteville, SC

2011-05-22T12:59:00.002-04:00

Onwards to North Carolina!

Station Stop: Dillon, SC

2011-05-22T12:11:00.002-04:00

We've arrived in Dillon, though, to be honest, I have no idea where the train station is. It looks like we've just stopped in the middle of the street and are just letting passengers on and off at the crosswalk.

Lunchtime second thoughts

2011-05-22T11:52:00.002-04:00

Check out the scary-long list of ingredients list on Amtrak's "Oven's Pride" chicken sandwich. It makes me really not want to eat it.

Station Stop: Florence, SC

2011-05-22T11:44:00.002-04:00

GPS was not interested in identifying this stop for me so I had to wait for the conductor's announcement. Florence, SC, pop. 32,000. Next stop, Dillon.

Lunchtime

2011-05-22T11:01:00.003-04:00

So obviously I caved into to the call of the cafe car and got some lunch. Lots of sandwiches and snacks on offer -- the sandwich selection on the Palmetto definitely beats the Vermonter, a train I took all the time in college. Today I got a barbecue chicken sandwich because that's what the cafe car guy says he usually eats. I'm going to eat my pineapple first, though. Ooh we just stopped somewhere... Trying to figure out where we are.

Riding through St. Stephen, SC, pop. 1,776

2011-05-22T10:49:00.002-04:00

This is mostly what I'm seeing out the window

2011-05-22T10:32:00.002-04:00

Lots of trees, grass, and the occasional small home.

Station Stop: Charleston, SC

2011-05-22T10:05:00.002-04:00

Lots of people getting on the train here in Charleston, lots of brightly patterned and printed clothing, and lots of confusion about where to sit if you're traveling solo. There's a woman in a teal straw hat shouting down her cell phone to someone about raspberries. There are people on the train who aren't actually traveling. It's mayhem, mayhem!

Mostly trees, sometimes buildings

2011-05-22T09:13:00.002-04:00

No terribly exciting things to report yet. The cafe car opened half an hour after we pulled out of Savannah. I moved seats to get away from the humming-coughing-throat-clearing woman.

Palmetto business class: pretty empty

2011-05-22T08:38:00.002-04:00

The business class car of the Amtrak Palmetto service from SAV to NYC is situated in the front of the train, just ahead of the cafe car. It's set up in a 2-2 seating formation. It's pretty empty today (but of course the woman with the annoying cough-slash-chronic-throat-clearing-humming habit has parked herself directly behind me), and the crew has earmarked the first half of the car for couples and people traveling together who get on at later stops, which is a nice touch.

Liveblogging the Amtrak Palmetto: SAV to NYC

2011-05-22T08:21:00.002-04:00

There are two kinds of people in this world: People who, when told them I was taking a 15 hour train ride starting in Savannah, Georgia, and ending at New York's Penn Station, told me I was crazy, and people who thought it sounded like fun. Oh, and then there's my mother, whose first question was: "Do they have seat belts on Amtrak trains?"

So I'm off. We'll be pulling out of Savannah in about two minutes. I've decided to splurge (ok, not really, it only cost $57 more) for business class because, well, let's face it, I'm not doing a 15 hour train ride in coach (I'm not that hardcore), and I'll be liveblogging the whole way. Or until I (1) fall asleep or (2) get bored -- probably after Washington, DC-ish. In the meantime, I've got my iPad, tons of movies, a fully loaded Kindle, and lots of scenic outdoors to look at.

Aaaaaand we're off!

Last night's party, Savannah

2011-05-21T17:46:00.001-04:00

Savannah afternoon

2011-05-20T18:58:00.001-04:00

Wooden skyscraper, via Wallpaper*

2011-05-19T00:14:00.001-04:00

I am a woman of many glasses.

2011-05-19T00:08:00.001-04:00

This.

2011-05-16T20:55:00.001-04:00

2011-05-09T09:37:00.001-04:00

"The Princeton sociologist Thomas Espenshade has calculated that an Asian applicant must, in practice, score 140 points higher on the SAT than a comparable white applicant to have the same chance of admission."

2011-05-09T09:34:00.001-04:00

"Entrance to Stuyvesant, one of the most competitive public high schools in the country, is determined solely by performance on a test: The top 3.7 percent of all New York City students who take the Specialized High Schools Admissions Test hoping to go to Stuyvesant are accepted. There are no set-asides for the underprivileged or, conversely, for alumni or other privileged groups. There is no formula to encourage “diversity” or any nebulous concept of “well-roundedness” or “character.” Here we have something like pure meritocracy. This is what it looks like: Asian-Americans, who make up 12.6 percent of New York City, make up 72 percent of the high school. This year, 569 Asian-Americans scored high enough to earn a slot at Stuyvesant, along with 179 whites, 13 Hispanics, and 12 blacks." — NY Mag

2011-05-08T13:13:00.000-04:00

It's finally happened. All my friends either live outside of New York, have moved away, or have coupled off and/or gotten married and/or had children.

Bear Party

2011-05-08T00:02:00.001-04:00

Nice work.

2011-05-05T16:28:00.001-04:00

Riding on the back of a snowmobile was one of the scariest things I ever did

2011-05-05T15:28:00.002-04:00

Motoneige 0 - Montagne 1

After watching this guy fall off one, I'm pretty sure I'm never going to willingly try it again.

This guy finished the entire Super Mario Bros 1 game in 5 minutes

2011-04-29T12:22:00.001-04:00

2011-04-22T12:31:00.001-04:00

Cute fruit animals at the T-Mobile G2x party

2011-04-22T10:52:00.001-04:00

The other night, I popped by the T-Mobile party celebrating the launch of the G2x. They had some really cute fruit animals.

My seemingly impossible spring shoe requirements

2011-04-20T23:19:00.001-04:00

Now taking nominations for a shoe that fulfills these requirements:

- Mid-heel, chunky heel
- Not a wedge
- Stable ankle support, so not a slingback, not a wraparound
- Not black
- No horizontal straps directly across the ankle
- Less shoe, more foot
- Not sparkly or frilly
- Walkable

Helicopter

2011-04-20T23:09:00.001-04:00

Helicopter Day: Taking Off, Landing

2011-04-19T22:41:00.002-04:00